Post by marcheesed
[16th September 2025|05:57am]
people have told me to start journalling so i guess ill
keep ontop of this? its a good way to get stuff out and
feel good about it after i guess. dads being moved to
hospice, he came home on friday or so and, its horrible.
just.. horrible. we cant do this, someone has to monitor
him 24/7 to make sure he doesnt take off his oxygen or
do something stupid. hes like a child. he got physically
aggressive with me today and he hurt me alot. i think he
did the same to my brother, so its more than likely at
this point. its disrespecting his last wishes but at the
same time when hes so angry, and making us all suffer in
return i know he'd just want us to be in as least pain
as possible aswell as him. he just wanted to make sure
everything was alright. the sams have taken over
paperwork and i deal with the less nice stuff aka dads
business, collecting debts chasing up people, telling
certain ones to fuck off. its bad. people have visited
alot, delivered groceries, made us food, its really
nice. alot has been happening and very quickly, im
talking to a different person every hour at this point,
whether it be a nurse or a family member or a friend or
what. i was supposed to go out with rogue! but shes sick
so we're replanning for tomorrow, she has a movie pass
so its literally whatever.. she came over a few times
recently, like a fucking saint lmaoo. charmaine is over
too, shes the one giving us food. offered to let us
chill out at hers too but i politely declined cause itll
cause sam so much stress and hes doing worse than me i
think. i think. idk, he had The Crisis Team aka the
people who come to assess if ur suicidal or not round
and they went yep buddy youre suicidal so hopefully more
meds for him to help him cope. ive been ignoring myself
and my health, i take a shower every few days and change
my clothes then and brush my teeth every day or two, not
been eating good or drinkign alot admittedly. same with
sleep. off my meds entirely atp because going out of my
way to get a refill would be taking time out of my day
to take care of him.
my room is a fucking mess too LOL did i say that
already? idk. i offered to take day today since sam took
night but thankfully charmaine and big sam relieved me
of it yayyy. i started using moms tarot today, one of
the carers saw and asked me about it. it was really
nice, probably the nicest interaction ive had in days
LOL and it was a very very small thing. its a special
deck atleast to me, gentle wisdom of the faerie realm by
sasha st john.. the art is amazing though the deck
itself is more up to interpretation and not one to one
with regular tarot decks. ..anyways. i drew a card for
myself for today and it was challenge which in the
booklet it states "2. step carefully and lightly around
the thorns. move forward being aware that you are
surrounded by great beauty and that the thorns are
actually quite small. remember; where there is challenge
there is opportunity." i chose to interpret this myself
as the chariot card which is about overcoming conflicts
and perservering during hard times, one that i think
encapsulates this card quite nicely. for there is
challenge there is opportunity and all. i think im gonna
keep using tarot over the next few days, its really
helping me more than i expected. might pick up wicca
again too, idk. religion helps others cope, and ive
never been much of a religious person aside from the
occasional episode but i have a feeling it really might
be useful here.
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